Marketing, Done Right, Is a Love Story

[00:09] I have a confession to make. For someone who's spent a lot of years in marketing, I don't particularly like a lot of marketing. I don't like feeling manipulated, like getting the sale matters more than whether something is actually right for me. I don't like manufactured urgency. A real deadline is one thing, but inventing pressure just to force a decision, that's another.

[00:30] And I really don't like the idea that our job as marketers is to somehow convince people to want us. Maybe you feel that way, too, especially if you genuinely care about the people you serve. You don't wanna manipulate them. You don't wanna pressure them. You want the people you can genuinely help to find you, understand you, trust you, and have enough clarity to decide for themselves, "Is this right for me?" And if it is, to choose you without having to be talked into it.

[01:02] And that's why for years I've described marketing with a completely different metaphor. Marketing is like asking someone out on a date. Good branding is what makes them say yes. And I used to say, "And I wanna help you get lots of yeses." But having a front row seat to the modern dating world through my daughter Michaela the last couple of years has made me realize I think I need to amend my own philosophy, because Michaela wasn't interested in getting lots of yeses.

[01:31] She was interested in getting the right yes. And dating apps are such a strange part of modern life, because so much happens before two people ever meet. You look at a profile. You read what someone says about themselves and notice what they chose to show. You compare and make assumptions. Then you decide whether you're interested enough to know more, and sometimes you get rejected before there's ever even been a real conversation.

[01:59] And honestly, it's not all that different from the way people make business decisions these days. Think about it. Before someone ever fills out your contact form, schedules a call, or walks into your business, they've most likely already looked at your website, maybe your LinkedIn profile, your social media, your reviews, and your competitors.

[02:19] They're forming an impression long before you ever get the chance to talk with them human to human. That means the way you represent yourself matters, because people are already using what they can see to decide, "Do I wanna know more?" Michaela used the online dating apps, and like a lot of women, she had plenty of men express interest.

[02:41] But you know what? She said no to the vast majority of them. Now, that might sound a little ruthless, but it wasn't really. She just knew her non-negotiables, and if she could already see from someone's profile that there was a fundamental mismatch, she wasn't gonna spend an evening getting dressed and driving somewhere, having dinner with a stranger, and investing her time just so she could discover in person what she already suspected, that this isn't a fit.

[03:08] On the occasions when a profile looked promising, she would have a chat or a text conversation and ask a few more specific questions, and if something important didn't line up, she'd poli- politely decline and move on. And the more I watched that process, the more I realized that's not rejection for rejection's sake.

[03:30] That's clarity. And businesses could learn something from it, because most of us approach marketing with almost the opposite objective. How can I get more people interested? How can I get more followers, more leads, more calls, more yeses? And maybe that's the wrong question. Maybe the better question is, how do I become clear enough that the right people can recognize a fit and the wrong people can recognize a mismatch before either of us wastes our time?

[04:00] So I've modified my philosophy a bit. Marketing is like asking someone out on a date. Good branding is what makes them say yes. But great branding does something even more important. It helps the right people say yes and the wrong people comfortably say no. And that's really what I mean when I say get seen, trusted, and chosen without the hard sell.

[04:23] Because the goal isn't universal attraction. You don't want everyone. You just want the right people to see you and wanna get to know you better. I'm Terri Pudliszski, and this is Brand Potential Unlocked, where who you've become meets how the world sees you. And today, we're talking about why marketing really can be a love story when it's done right and why trying to make everyone choose you is a pretty lousy strategy both in dating and in business.

[04:51] You don't want everyone to choose you. Let's start there. Imagine going on a first date with one objective: I have to make this person like me. That's exhausting already, right? Because once that becomes the goal, you start editing yourself. What do they like? What do they want? What should I say or not say?

[05:14] You become a little more agreeable, a little more impressive, maybe a little less honest, and whatever you do, you don't wanna give them a reason to say no. And you know what? You might actually succeed. They might really like you. There's just one problem. They haven't actually met you yet, not the real you anyway.

[05:34] They've met the version of you that was designed to get chosen, and businesses do this too. We try so hard to appeal to everyone who could possibly hire us that we forget something important. Someone deciding this isn't for me isn't always a marketing failure. Sometimes that's exactly what clarity is supposed to do.

[05:55] I'm sure you've heard branding and marketing experts say that your message should attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. Repel is a strong word. It can seem like a bad thing. But remember, the goal isn't to get everyone to choose you. It's to give the right people enough clarity to make a good choice for themselves.

[06:15] Sometimes that choice will be you. Sometimes it won't. Good marketing makes room for both. Think about how a relationship actually begins. Before someone can decide whether they want a relationship with you, they have to know you exist, right? Step number one. Well, that's marketing. Marketing creates awareness. It starts the conversation.

[06:39] It says, "Hi, I'm here. Wanna talk?" And there are all kinds of ways that that can happen. Maybe someone sees something you've written, hears you on a podcast, gets your name from a friend, finds you on Google, sees you speak, walks past your booth at an event. The point is that marketing creates the introduction.

[07:01] Now they're curious, so they look a little closer. They visit your website, read your About page, look at your work, listen to what you believe, pay attention to the way you communicate, and they're asking, consciously or unconsciously, they are asking, "Who is this person? Do I understand what she does?

[07:22] Does she understand me? Do I trust her? Does this feel like the right place for me?" That's where branding enters the relationship. Marketing makes the introduction, but brand- Marketing makes the introduction, but an introduction isn't a relationship. Branding helps someone understand who they've been introduced to, and good positioning helps them understand why what you do might matter to them.

[07:46] And here's a little side note. You have a brand whether you've intentionally created one or not. Did you realize that? Because your brand is really what other people have come to think and believe about you. It's not what you say and believe about you. And if what they believe is not accurate or isn't the whole story, that's where branding comes in.

[08:08] Branding gives you the opportunity to intentionally shape that perception so that it more faithfully represents what's actually true. So recognition comes before relationship. Good marketing isn't about trying to make somebody want something. It helps the right per- person to recognize, "Oh, this is for me." That's a very different goal.

[08:31] I don't wanna convince someone who isn't right for me that she needs me. I want the person I am equipped to help to encounter my work and think, "Oh, she's talking about me. That's exactly what I've been struggling with. I've never heard someone explain it that way. That's what I've been looking for." That's recognition, and recognition is powerful because it doesn't feel like pressure.

[08:56] It feels like being understood, and don't we all wanna be understood? Think about the best relationships in your life. There's usually some moment when you realize, "This person gets me. I feel at home here." That's what strong branding can do, not by pretending that you know them better than you do. Through clarity, you understand the person you're trying to help well enough to put words around something they may have been feeling but haven't quite known how to say yet, and they recognize themselves in the conversation.

[09:31] Then comes the part marketers sometimes don't like very much, time. We want to make a post, have someone click, give us a call, and become a client, preferably by Tuesday. But relationships don't always work that way. Someone may read an article today, listen to a podcast next month, see you speak six months from now, get referred to you by someone they trust, and then finally think, "Now I'm ready to talk." Was the first article ineffective?

[10:01] No, it was part of the relationship, and you can't rush trust. This is one reason I think consistency matters so much, not because an algorithm needs to be fed, but because trust is cumulative. Every interaction gives someone another little piece of evidence. Does she keep showing up? Does what she says make sense?

[10:26] Is there substance behind the catchy headline? Does the experience match the promise? Does she seem to actually believe what she's saying? Is she still the same person when I encounter her somewhere else? Trust accumulates, and eventually, for the right person, trust makes the next step feel safe. But here's where the love story can go wrong.

[10:50] Imagine meeting someone who presents himself one way while you're dating and then becomes an entirely different person once you've committed. Not a great love story. Businesses do a version of this too sometimes. The marketing is beautiful. The website's gorgeous. The promises sound great. The sales process is wonderful, and then you become a client, and the experience you actually have doesn't really match what was promised.

[11:16] That's where congruence matters. Your brand creates an expectation. Your client experience has to fulfill it. The message, the quality of the work, the way you communicate, the way you serve people, they should all tell the same story. Because getting chosen is only the beginning. What happens after someone says yes determines whether the promise you made was true, and that's where the relationship is actually built.

[11:46] No chasing, no trickery, no pretending to be something you're not, no trying to get everyone through the door, just a clear, honest invitation. "Here's who we are. Here's what we believe. Here's what we do really well. Here's who we do it for, and if that's what you've been looking for, come on in." I love marketing when I think about it that way because now marketing isn't something I do to people.

[12:13] It's something I do for them. I make it easier for the right person to find the right place. And this is where the love story metaphor becomes especially useful. We get so focused on being chosen that sometimes we forget we're choosing too. Can I genuinely help this person? Do they value the way I work?

[12:36] Are we actually a good fit? Good marketing should give both sides enough clarity to make a good decision. And yes, sometimes that means helping the wrong person realize, "Nope, not for me." I know, that's an... That can sound terrifying when you're trying to grow, but that's not necessarily a bad outcome.

[12:55] Clarity helps the right people move closer and gives the wrong people permission to move on. I think this is where a lot of marketing goes sideways. We're taught to become irresistible. I know you've heard it. Have an irresistible offer, irresistible messaging, irresistible lead magnet, irresistible whatever.

[13:18] And yes, I understand what people mean, but I don't actually wanna be irresistible, not to everyone. I want people to retain full use of their judgment. I want the right person to understand what I offer clearly enough to make a good decision for themselves. Because if I have to manipulate you into saying yes, I now have a client who needed to be manipulated into saying yes, and that doesn't sound like the beginning of a particularly good relationship.

[13:44] I'd rather be recognizable, clear enough that the right person knows, "This is for me," and the wrong person knows, "This isn't for me." That's not failed marketing. That's successful positioning. So here's what I wanna leave with you today. What if your marketing didn't have to pressure or talk anyone into saying yes?

[14:05] No hard sell here. What if its job was simply to tell the truth clearly enough for the right people to recognize themselves in it? Think about how that might change the way you write, how you market, or even feel about visibility. Maybe you'd worry a little less about the people who aren't responding and pay more attention to whether you're becoming recognizable to the people who should.

[14:28] Because you don't need everyone to choose you. You need the right people to understand enough to make the best choice for themselves. Marketing makes the invitation. Branding helps the right people recognize that they've found the right place, and then fulfill the promise. That's where the real relationship begins.

[14:46] Thanks for spending this time with me today. I'm Terri Podlenski, and this is Brand Potential Unlocked, where who you've become meets how the world sees you. Until next time, believe what's true, and be brave enough to let it be seen.

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